Mike --
I'm not sure what I'd like to say first.
Thank you? I'm sorry? It all seems so insubstansial. And, to be quite honest, I can't even remember what I did. I suppose I am being a bit overly dramatic, I mean, honestly, I've never met you. But with me being as fragmented between people as I am, I guess a bit got too attached to you to just.. forget and move on. I suppose I will eventually, after finally settling down somewhere. I might not. I'm not so sure what I think of love.

And I'm not very sure if that's what I felt then. It was something, and still is, but.. I don't know. I guess I wish I was more open with you, but it all seemed so forced, fast... fleeting? I would have stayed around longer, but of course, my insecurity told me no. Was that how it happened? Who left? I still can't answer. Was it more of an unspoken mutual agreement between us both? Was it outside pressure like everyone told me?

I want to forget that it ever happened, because, I guess it's the biggest connection I've ever felt to a person, that I've ever known on a friendly basis. I still think you're wonderful. I hope you're doing well. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. I wish I could say this directly to you, but of course I'm a fool. I have no idea how to contact you, although I guess I haven't tried to, either? Maybe it's fear, of you, of opinons?

I'm ridiculous. I hope you forgot me. I hope you forget the fruitless conversations we had, how everything was pressure, how.. well, I hope you've forgotten even more than I have. I hope it doesn't matter to you.

All I know is that I keep thinking of it, and damn. I need to get some of it out somehow. And I'm going to be a child forever. While I hope you see some of this, I hope you never get this far.

I suppose it's my life and conditon that make me care so much, even now, what, two years later?

But thank you for being civil about all of it. There are so many horrible things you could have done to such an obsessive, relentless person like me.

And you didn't.

As much as I want to be angry, I really can't. I'm only angry at myself for not letting you go when you wanted to go.

looking too deeply into things,
615.